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monday’s are horrible enough.

this monday was one of the worst.

all weekend max our little kitty who has been sick with FIP stopped eating.

his belly has slowly been expanding and his eyes/ears were getting jaundice.

lately i have been able to feel every bone in his body.

he has also been throwing up despite not eating and acting abnormally.

today was the day…

today was the day when we put him to sleep..

and by we, i mean Jay because horribly enough I had to work….

i watched the clock during my first meeting and texted him when the time came for the appointment

i called him after my second appointment and he told me what had happened and that max was now officially gone…

i began to cry .. cry hysterically.

of course my face was blotchy, my mascara had run, my eyes were red, and i looked like a mess….

and the case manager i met with noticed and asked..

and i began to cry again..

i managed to make it through the meeting and managed a bit more work but canceled my last because i knew that in a therapy session i have to be stable and could not manage that…

i went for a run

i met up with a friend for some wine..

i am now home and it is very weird that he is not cuddling up with me..

it will be weird not to have him greet me at the door or snuggle with me at night..

i know he was only a little cat but i still am very emotional about it.

 i can only imagine if my own child was sick…